Understanding and Working with Resistance

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There is this funny thing I have noticed after all these years working with clients and students and even teachers.. It seems to show up over and over and over and over again.... which is why I want to speak to it.... We can't work with it, if we don't know what it is....  It's RESISTANCE.....

Resistance often shows itself before and after a healing session or class, in relationship, in friendship. It often shows up when we know we are going to be challenged on some level, our belief's, or our behaviors, our ideas... It shows itself when we are afraid of vulnerability and intimacy. In my experience, resistance works with the ego (edge god out -  that part of ourselves that works in the paradigm of separation) and the mind - they are a team working together to keep us in separation. Resistance works with the mind, so the stories it sells are often convincing ones, often excuses as to why we shouldn't do something, why it is someone else fault.... I have even seen it manifest as symptoms of illness, or a dramatic situation.... And it is all to orchestrated to avoid the intimacy and vulnerability that is on the other side of resistance.

Don't get me wrong, it has been put into place to keep us safe, there is an inherent wisdom, brilliance really in it's process. And it can also keep us stuck in a lonely, self sabotaging cycle of isolation, protection, separation and projection....

I teach whole module on this topic in the Apprenticeship Program, how to work with resistance, how to understand it, how to honor it, and how to soften and unravel the stories it sells us so that we can fully live our lives, making decisions from the Infinite self rather than the Finite. Because it shows itself SO much in the world of deep healing, because we are going into places inside ourselves that haven't been tended to, it can bring up a deep fucking fear of seeing what all that crap may be beneath the minds perception. And because we often don't have the tools to work with it, we run and hide from it, often blaming others or avoiding what we know deep down is good for us. 

Once I learned what it was, this resistance, and how it worked I realized I was making almost all my decisions from places of resistance. I was letting the resistance run my life. Buying, if not fully investing in the stories it told.

Now, when I see it, which I see it all the time, I can say to this part of myself.... I SEE YOU..... Deep breath..... What is it my love that you need?? (I know it sounds ridiculous to talk to a part of the self, but it's not) and then.... That part shares, I am afraid... What if... what if I am not enough, what if they judge me... what if I am too fat, what if they see the parts I don't love, what if... FILL IN THE BLANK, we all have some version of this...

Once I know the root cause of the resistance, I can honor it by asking, are you ready to expand around this contraction? And every time for me, it has been a YES. Even though I am still nervous or afraid. If we allow ourselves to FEEL to be REAL then we can still move forward towards evolution, towards togetherness, towards surrender, towards vulnerability...

Knowing resistance works with contraction, separation, isolation and often shows up because we are afraid of vulnerability, of being REAL with what is truly present inside of ourselves EMPOWERS me to tenderly push past it and get on my mat, or go to a class, to show up for myself, to take responsibility for what is happening inside myself instead of projecting it out and making it someone else's fault.... Which in the end, is so dis-empowering. (that's another huge topic we teach in the school - power dynamics, and personal responsibility) 

How do you know what resistance is??

What does resistance feel like in your body?

How can you honor this part of yourself?

What my loves are you afraid of??

In my experience, resistance works with the finite self and when we connect more with my infinite self, we have a felt sense, of togetherness, of oneness. So my loves, the practice I would share if you are resonating with any of this, is to begin to connect more with the infinite self....


The easiest way for me personally to go there, is to drop into sacred space, and to be in nature. When the mind shuts off, and there is this tangible felt sense of being one.... One of my most favorite ways to dissolve this especially when it has a strong hold on me, is to go to a  stream or the ocean and dip my whole body in, from head to toe and let the water rush over my crown. . . . BURRR.... And then... my mind is quiet and I remember.. I am not this... I am everything.